The highly acclaimed interviewer came storming out of the interview room, his face red, not from the summer heat, but from sheer frustration. "Everybody wants the job," he spluttered, "but nobody wants to reveal their qualifications!"

"Why?" I asked, "maybe their certificates were washed away in the last monsoon flood?"

"No, no," he said, shaking his head. "They say it's personal information! Personal! As if a high school certificate were the secret code to open Switzerland's vaults!"

And that's how the new India runs. Degrees are now classified documents to be hidden with the same care as nuclear launch codes.

Ask to see someone's marks? Defamation case!

Ask for their diploma? Violation of human rights!

Demand proof of learning? Straight to jail, do not pass Go!

Another weary interviewer added: "I asked an aspirant for an accountant's post to show me his high school certificate. He told me I was violating his privacy, and he would sue me!"

Imagine the brave new nation this creates: doctors without medical degrees, lawyers who never passed law school, engineers who've only engineered excuses, and accountants who think two plus two equals "personal information, sir."

"Won't this make our country go down the drain?" asked a bespectacled economist.

"Down the drain?" I laughed. "Sir, we've skipped the drain and gone straight to the sewage treatment plant!"

But the economist, wiser than I, whispered, "Why blame them? The man at the very top began it. He got the biggest job in the country without ever showing his certificates."

And there lies the gospel truth. When the boss hides his degrees, why should the clerks be any different? But wait—let's be fair. In this new India, it's not that there are no qualifications. There is one that still matters.

Not your marks, not your merit, but your faith. Want a job? Soon, there will be no need to show your degree. Just show the god you pray to, the religious place you frequent, the slogan you can shout the loudest.

Forget MBAs, PhDs, and diplomas—our recruiters will soon look for how well you can chant. Competence will soon be optional; compliance will be compulsory.

So interviews are going to be easy now. Question: "Do you know accounts?" Answer: "That's personal information, sir." Second question: "Which god do you bow to?" Answer correctly, and congratulations—you're hired, pension included, promotion guaranteed.

Soon, India will proudly tell the world: we are a land where education is irrelevant, but identity is everything. Where bridges may collapse, planes may crash, hospitals may kill, but don't worry—as long as the doctor belongs to the right faith, all is well!

Till then, dear reader, beware of the surgeon whose only qualification is chanting the right prayer, the pilot whose degree is his religion, and the accountant whose balance sheet is his holy book.

For in this new Bharat, there is indeed no need for qualifications—except the one a 56-inch chest has:

None!