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Bob's Banter by Robert Clements Classes for Riots and Agitations..!

Robert Clements Robert Clements
27 Sep 2021

With debates, speeches and convincing arguments slowly losing their appeal among Parliamentarians and State assemblies, and fists, stones and riots taking over, youngsters realize new skills need to be learnt and coaching classes which always rise to such occasions are thinking of rising to the occasion!
"This course," said the proprietor of a coaching institute in Delhi, "will equip students to agitate and get maximum exposure. Here, meet our first instructor."
"Good morning!" said the instructor as he put out his hand then suddenly ducked while a policeman on a bicycle cycled past.
"He is wanted by the police," said the coaching class owner proudly.
"For what?" I asked surprised.
"For assault and goondaism!" said the owner of the classes, "we knew he would be the right person to teach students the art of throwing stones."
"Is it an art?" I asked, "or an offence?"
"Aha!" said the owner, "He shows students how to throw stones only when a policeman raises his lathi and a camera man is taking a shot, that way the public will think it is retaliation against police brutality!"
"Interesting!" I said.
"And who is this?" I asked looking at a woman who had just come by with torn clothes on, "looks like she's been through a scuffle."
"She is being kept for women students."
"What does she teach?"
"How to rip your sari or tear your clothes when being led to the police station!"
"Why would anyone want to do that?" I asked perplexed.
"How else can you accuse the cops of molestation?"
"I can even show you how to inflict nail and bite injuries on yourself!" said the teacher proudly coming towards me.
"I'm sure you can," I whispered fearfully as I moved away. "Are there other instructors?"
"Of course! It's a very professional course," said the owner, "we have tutors who teach students what to wear during a strike; wear a lab coat and you will get immediate public sympathy as doctors always have public appeal! Also, we have makeup artists who tell them how to put instant red blood marks all over before cameras click you. We also have …"
"One minute," I interrupted, "don't you have teachers who teach your students to speak better, how to debate and convince others?"
"Sir, when did we ever use those methods in our country?” asked the coaching class owner, looking puzzled “We only enhance the skills of what’s already being done or taught here! Are you a journalist sir?”
“Yes!” I admitted.
“Then we can teach you what bribes to pay for good treatment and better food sir!”
“Pay where?” I asked weakly.
“Inside jail, if they book you for sedition!” said the coaching class owner, “We coach to meet present requirements sir..!” 


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