hidden image

Bob's Banter by Robert Clements No Victory Processions..!

Robert Clements Robert Clements
03 May 2021

The three men looked at each other fearfully, “We are being called murderers!” whispered the chief to the other two, “How ever could a court call us that?”
“Next, they may hang us!” said the junior of the three, “I have an allergy to ropes, especially when they are round my neck!”
“Your allergy might last just a few seconds!” opined the third man.
“I don’t want to die!” said the junior of the three, “Why should I die?”
“Well for the thousands of deaths we have caused through crowds we turned a blind eye to, masks we did not insist crowds wear, and distances they should have kept between each other, and now the whole country suffers because of us!”
“Yes, thousands are dying!” whispered the chief, “But shouldn’t the ones who addressed the meetings be blamed? Why only us?”
“And I don’t like ropes!” whispered the junior most feeling his neck, “I don’t want to be strung on a pole in front of jeering crowds..”
“They don’t do it like that anymore,” said his senior, “It is done quietly in a prison!”
“Prison!” screamed the other two looking at each other, “Prison?”
“We have to think up something quickly!” said the chief of the three, “Something that will save our necks!”
“We could have a ballot!” said the junior, “A nationwide ballot to ask people whether we should be branded murderers or not?”
“Are you crazy?” asked the chief, “They may change the punishment from hanging to chopping off our heads!”
“Oh no!” said the junior most, holding his head, “I have an allergy to choppers too!”
“With all your allergies, how did you get this job?” asked the other two together.
“A minister asked me if…”
“Minister?” the other two asked in surprise, “Okay never mind, even we got our jobs the same way! But now we need an idea to keep us from the rope or knife! No minister is going to save us!”
“We need to show something that proves we are terribly sorry for what we have done!” said the chief, “Like going into mourning, wearing sackcloth and ashes and walking down the streets of our country!”
“Let’s do that!” said the junior most.
“Wear sackcloth and mourn? Three of us?”
“No, the whole country!”
“You want them to mourn for our misdeeds?” asked the other two, who almost always spoke the same words together, even in official statements, making many in the press wonder whether it was written by someone else, “You want them to mourn for us?”
“No,” said the junior most man, “Let them mourn for winning! Whoever wins will not be allowed to celebrate! There, in one move we have shown how sorry we murderers are!”
“Make that official! Immediately!” said the chief as he pulled out his rubber stamp, “We ban victory processions..!”

bobsbanter@gmail.com
 

Recent Posts

After I reached this place on May 27, 1964, I have generally kept away from writing letters. Old habits, however, die hard. My daughter is here, and so are my grandsons. None of us knows you personall
apicture A. J. Philip
15 Jun 2026
As an educator committed to improving the quality of education in our country, I am writing this open letter to draw your attention to issues that require urgent intervention. I trust these concerns w
apicture Albert Rayan
15 Jun 2026
The greatest threat to religion today is not atheism but its politicisation and commercialisation. When faith is used to divide, hate and dominate, it becomes a mockery of itself. True religion begins
apicture Jacob Peenikaparambil
15 Jun 2026
Once the BJP leader who proudly defended his right to eat beef, Kiren Rijiju now stands accused of dismissing minority anxieties as propaganda. His evolution reflects the growing distance between cons
apicture John Dayal
15 Jun 2026
India's invisible care economy rests on the unpaid labour of millions of women. The Supreme Court has recognised homemakers as nation builders; the challenge now is to support, value, and invest in ca
apicture Jaswant Kaur
15 Jun 2026
A court that recognises a constitutional danger yet permits the process to proceed cannot remain outside the story. As allegations of mass disenfranchisement grow, the focus of political and constitut
apicture Oliver D'Souza
15 Jun 2026
As hate, violence and greed become the new normal, the Sacred Heart of Jesus challenges us to live differently. Its message of fire, forgiveness, fearlessness, freedom and fraternity remains the most
apicture Cedric Prakash
15 Jun 2026
You mark us by our labour. Hindu scriptures call us We were born From feet, From dirt, From sin.
apicture Dr Suryaraju Mattimalla
15 Jun 2026
A few years from now, while the old political warriors are wondering what embarrassing nickname has been invented for them, the cockroaches may still be crawling steadily forward, quietly having the l
apicture Robert Clements
15 Jun 2026
The battle over cattle is no longer merely about faith or food. It is about whether farmers can survive, whether livestock retains economic value and whether symbolism can coexist with the hard realit
apicture A. J. Philip
08 Jun 2026