hidden image

Bob's Banter by Robert Clements No Victory Processions..!

Robert Clements Robert Clements
03 May 2021

The three men looked at each other fearfully, “We are being called murderers!” whispered the chief to the other two, “How ever could a court call us that?”
“Next, they may hang us!” said the junior of the three, “I have an allergy to ropes, especially when they are round my neck!”
“Your allergy might last just a few seconds!” opined the third man.
“I don’t want to die!” said the junior of the three, “Why should I die?”
“Well for the thousands of deaths we have caused through crowds we turned a blind eye to, masks we did not insist crowds wear, and distances they should have kept between each other, and now the whole country suffers because of us!”
“Yes, thousands are dying!” whispered the chief, “But shouldn’t the ones who addressed the meetings be blamed? Why only us?”
“And I don’t like ropes!” whispered the junior most feeling his neck, “I don’t want to be strung on a pole in front of jeering crowds..”
“They don’t do it like that anymore,” said his senior, “It is done quietly in a prison!”
“Prison!” screamed the other two looking at each other, “Prison?”
“We have to think up something quickly!” said the chief of the three, “Something that will save our necks!”
“We could have a ballot!” said the junior, “A nationwide ballot to ask people whether we should be branded murderers or not?”
“Are you crazy?” asked the chief, “They may change the punishment from hanging to chopping off our heads!”
“Oh no!” said the junior most, holding his head, “I have an allergy to choppers too!”
“With all your allergies, how did you get this job?” asked the other two together.
“A minister asked me if…”
“Minister?” the other two asked in surprise, “Okay never mind, even we got our jobs the same way! But now we need an idea to keep us from the rope or knife! No minister is going to save us!”
“We need to show something that proves we are terribly sorry for what we have done!” said the chief, “Like going into mourning, wearing sackcloth and ashes and walking down the streets of our country!”
“Let’s do that!” said the junior most.
“Wear sackcloth and mourn? Three of us?”
“No, the whole country!”
“You want them to mourn for our misdeeds?” asked the other two, who almost always spoke the same words together, even in official statements, making many in the press wonder whether it was written by someone else, “You want them to mourn for us?”
“No,” said the junior most man, “Let them mourn for winning! Whoever wins will not be allowed to celebrate! There, in one move we have shown how sorry we murderers are!”
“Make that official! Immediately!” said the chief as he pulled out his rubber stamp, “We ban victory processions..!”

bobsbanter@gmail.com
 

Recent Posts

Corrective press notes are not substitutes for accountability. This crisis demands independent investigation, judicial scrutiny and reversal of the SIR. Institutional complicity is the gravest betraya
apicture Oliver D'Souza
05 Oct 2026
The revelations have shattered public confidence in the Election Commission. Gyanesh Kumar's continuance as Chief Election Commissioner is untenable. Whether through resignation or impeachment, he mus
apicture Cedric Prakash
05 Oct 2026
It was never the powerful, privileged or educated who kept Indian democracy alive, but the poor who queued under the scorching sun to exercise their franchise. Now, the very machinery entrusted with p
apicture A. J. Philip
05 Oct 2026
The Opposition has a historic opportunity to unite against the erosion of electoral integrity and defend citizens' fundamental right to vote. Delayed response, political fragmentation and narrow inter
apicture Jacob Peenikaparambil
05 Oct 2026
India's institutions were supposed to be built on merit, independence and constitutional accountability. Yet, beneath their lofty credentials, kinship networks quietly reproduce privilege, compromise
apicture John Dayal
05 Oct 2026
Article 342 of the Constitution of India empowers the President to officially specify indigenous tribes, tribal communities, or specific groups within them as "Scheduled Tribes," in consultation with
apicture Pachu Menon
05 Oct 2026
I have seen the professional anti-caste intellectual. S/He arrives. S/He speaks. S/He refers to Ambedkar. S/He cites John Rawls. S/He quotes Michael Foucault.
apicture Dr Suryaraju Mattimalla
05 Oct 2026
Before recording a crime, obtain written consent from everyone involved
apicture Robert Clements
05 Oct 2026
How can greater knowledge be accompanied by greater wisdom, greater prosperity by greater solidarity, greater power by greater responsibility, and greater connectivity by genuine human fraternity?
apicture Br. Dr. Lawrence Soosai Nathan, OFM Cap.
28 Sep 2026
"Deus meus et omnia" ("My God and my All!") was St. Francis of Assisi's favourite prayer. According to early Franciscan accounts, most notably recorded by Brother Bernard of Quintavalle, Francis's fir
apicture Br. Cyriac George, OFM Cap.
28 Sep 2026