hidden image

Bob's Banter by Robert Clements No Victory Processions..!

Robert Clements Robert Clements
03 May 2021

The three men looked at each other fearfully, “We are being called murderers!” whispered the chief to the other two, “How ever could a court call us that?”
“Next, they may hang us!” said the junior of the three, “I have an allergy to ropes, especially when they are round my neck!”
“Your allergy might last just a few seconds!” opined the third man.
“I don’t want to die!” said the junior of the three, “Why should I die?”
“Well for the thousands of deaths we have caused through crowds we turned a blind eye to, masks we did not insist crowds wear, and distances they should have kept between each other, and now the whole country suffers because of us!”
“Yes, thousands are dying!” whispered the chief, “But shouldn’t the ones who addressed the meetings be blamed? Why only us?”
“And I don’t like ropes!” whispered the junior most feeling his neck, “I don’t want to be strung on a pole in front of jeering crowds..”
“They don’t do it like that anymore,” said his senior, “It is done quietly in a prison!”
“Prison!” screamed the other two looking at each other, “Prison?”
“We have to think up something quickly!” said the chief of the three, “Something that will save our necks!”
“We could have a ballot!” said the junior, “A nationwide ballot to ask people whether we should be branded murderers or not?”
“Are you crazy?” asked the chief, “They may change the punishment from hanging to chopping off our heads!”
“Oh no!” said the junior most, holding his head, “I have an allergy to choppers too!”
“With all your allergies, how did you get this job?” asked the other two together.
“A minister asked me if…”
“Minister?” the other two asked in surprise, “Okay never mind, even we got our jobs the same way! But now we need an idea to keep us from the rope or knife! No minister is going to save us!”
“We need to show something that proves we are terribly sorry for what we have done!” said the chief, “Like going into mourning, wearing sackcloth and ashes and walking down the streets of our country!”
“Let’s do that!” said the junior most.
“Wear sackcloth and mourn? Three of us?”
“No, the whole country!”
“You want them to mourn for our misdeeds?” asked the other two, who almost always spoke the same words together, even in official statements, making many in the press wonder whether it was written by someone else, “You want them to mourn for us?”
“No,” said the junior most man, “Let them mourn for winning! Whoever wins will not be allowed to celebrate! There, in one move we have shown how sorry we murderers are!”
“Make that official! Immediately!” said the chief as he pulled out his rubber stamp, “We ban victory processions..!”

bobsbanter@gmail.com
 

Recent Posts

The battle over cattle is no longer merely about faith or food. It is about whether farmers can survive, whether livestock retains economic value and whether symbolism can coexist with the hard realit
apicture A. J. Philip
08 Jun 2026
The real national emergency is not religion or identity but the betrayal of India's youth. While governments chase votes through division and spectacle, millions of young Indians confront unemployment
apicture Jacob Peenikaparambil
08 Jun 2026
At the Red Fort, Amit Shah transformed a so-called cultural gathering into a declaration of intent: tribal identity belongs within the Hindu fold. For two crore Adivasi Christians, the rally signalled
apicture John Dayal
08 Jun 2026
The controversy surrounding ILBS goes beyond one tragic death. It raises concerns about the VIP culture, commercialisation, unequal access and institutional accountability in a public healthcare syste
apicture Joseph Maliakan
08 Jun 2026
The 1851 novel by one of the best English novelists of all time, Charles Dickens, levelling a poignant critique of industrialisation and utilitarianism in England, attempted to present the dehumanisin
apicture Julian S Das
08 Jun 2026
The sun rises But does not touch us first. Roosters in the non-Dalit yards Crow before we are allowed To open our doors.
apicture Dr Suryaraju Mattimalla
08 Jun 2026
Marco Rubio had a tough time in India trying to respond to questions about Donald Trump's "hellholes" remark regarding India and China. Did Rubio describe the statement as "stupid," or was he referrin
apicture Thomas Menamparampil
08 Jun 2026
The white-bearded village chief and his bald-headed deputy stood at the edge of the village where nobody would overhear them. They had chosen the spot carefully because of Pegasus, the invisible flyin
apicture Robert Clements
08 Jun 2026
It is not surprising that India has been lukewarm to Pope Leo XIV's Encyclical on Artificial Intelligence. The Pope has warned that Artificial Intelligence threatens to normalise an "anti-human vision
apicture John Dayal
01 Jun 2026
What began as a "special revision" of electoral rolls has evolved into something far more unsettling: a test of who truly belongs in the Republic. By upholding the Election Commission's powers while o
apicture A. J. Philip
01 Jun 2026