hidden image

Bob's Banter by Robert Clements No Victory Processions..!

Robert Clements Robert Clements
03 May 2021

The three men looked at each other fearfully, “We are being called murderers!” whispered the chief to the other two, “How ever could a court call us that?”
“Next, they may hang us!” said the junior of the three, “I have an allergy to ropes, especially when they are round my neck!”
“Your allergy might last just a few seconds!” opined the third man.
“I don’t want to die!” said the junior of the three, “Why should I die?”
“Well for the thousands of deaths we have caused through crowds we turned a blind eye to, masks we did not insist crowds wear, and distances they should have kept between each other, and now the whole country suffers because of us!”
“Yes, thousands are dying!” whispered the chief, “But shouldn’t the ones who addressed the meetings be blamed? Why only us?”
“And I don’t like ropes!” whispered the junior most feeling his neck, “I don’t want to be strung on a pole in front of jeering crowds..”
“They don’t do it like that anymore,” said his senior, “It is done quietly in a prison!”
“Prison!” screamed the other two looking at each other, “Prison?”
“We have to think up something quickly!” said the chief of the three, “Something that will save our necks!”
“We could have a ballot!” said the junior, “A nationwide ballot to ask people whether we should be branded murderers or not?”
“Are you crazy?” asked the chief, “They may change the punishment from hanging to chopping off our heads!”
“Oh no!” said the junior most, holding his head, “I have an allergy to choppers too!”
“With all your allergies, how did you get this job?” asked the other two together.
“A minister asked me if…”
“Minister?” the other two asked in surprise, “Okay never mind, even we got our jobs the same way! But now we need an idea to keep us from the rope or knife! No minister is going to save us!”
“We need to show something that proves we are terribly sorry for what we have done!” said the chief, “Like going into mourning, wearing sackcloth and ashes and walking down the streets of our country!”
“Let’s do that!” said the junior most.
“Wear sackcloth and mourn? Three of us?”
“No, the whole country!”
“You want them to mourn for our misdeeds?” asked the other two, who almost always spoke the same words together, even in official statements, making many in the press wonder whether it was written by someone else, “You want them to mourn for us?”
“No,” said the junior most man, “Let them mourn for winning! Whoever wins will not be allowed to celebrate! There, in one move we have shown how sorry we murderers are!”
“Make that official! Immediately!” said the chief as he pulled out his rubber stamp, “We ban victory processions..!”

bobsbanter@gmail.com
 

Recent Posts

You may be supremely happy that your Freedom of Religion Bill has received the President's assent and has now come into force in Maharashtra. But there is an irony that you may not have noticed.
apicture A. J. Philip
31 Aug 2026
India's children are discovering the power of protest. Their demands are modest. Safe classrooms, clean water, toilets, teachers and dignity. If governments silence those who expose these failures rat
apicture Jacob Peenikaparambil
31 Aug 2026
Gonsalves was born on April 5, 1954, in Munnar, nestled in the Western Ghats in Idukki District of Kerala, into a prominent Anglo-Indian family from Pallippuram in Kochi's Vypin. He was the eldest son
apicture Renjith Leen
31 Aug 2026
A "church-free Odisha" must not become a cause for fear or retaliation. Christians must respond with truth, courage and peace, remembering that our strongest witness is faithful service: building brid
apicture Archbishop John Barwa, SVD
31 Aug 2026
Vande Mataram once united Indians against colonialism. Its appropriation today seeks to turn a shared national symbol into a test of Hindu nationalism and patriotism, diverting attention from governan
apicture Oliver D'Souza
31 Aug 2026
Recent cases of infants abandoned in Haryana, Karnataka and Jharkhand expose a legal system built for children who can speak, not infants who cannot. Strict criminal penalties for abandonment push par
apicture Vidyadhar Prabhudesai
31 Aug 2026
The smartphone may be the millstone of our age: a pocket-sized idol that promises connection but breeds distraction. When we surrender ourselves to its endless pull, children learn to imitate us. True
apicture Fr. Anil Prakash D'Souza, OP
31 Aug 2026
Dolly's faith was heard not only in gospel songs but also in her generosity. Through her Imagination Library, she placed millions of books into the hands of children. She did not merely sing about lov
apicture Robert Clements
31 Aug 2026
A democracy must distinguish between an armed insurgent and a questioning citizen. Calling critics, students, academics or activists "Dimaagi Naxals" is unacceptable. Strength lies not in silencing di
apicture Dr Martin Valiyaparambil VC
24 Aug 2026
As I watched, I could not help remembering the interview I did with your father, NKP Salve, for Jain TV in the 1990s. Goswami, I presume, was then still "studying for some time in a Jesuit-run school,
apicture A. J. Philip
24 Aug 2026