hidden image

Bob’s Banter by Robert Clements Chief Guest Boris…!

Robert Clements Robert Clements
07 Dec 2020

Many world leaders and people across the globe are wondering why dear Boris from Merry England’s been chosen India’s Republic Day chief guest. A tabloid in London interviewed him, and found he was blown over by the invitation, “It’s not every day one gets an invitation to visit our colonies!” said Boris, sweeping back his unruly hair, “I guess Lizzy’s too old to check on her subjects so they’re inviting me!”

“Sir, India is not one of our colonies anymore, and not been for the past seventy years or more!” said the reporter.
“Oh Blimey! I must strike that out of my speech!” said Boris as he searched his pocket for the paper he’d written his speech on, to deliver on the ramparts of the Red Fort, “Could it be because of my hair?”
“Your hair sir?” asked the reporter a bit surprised.
“Yeah, it’s rather windy in Delhi in January, and maybe they chose someone who wasn’t bothered about which way the wind tossed it!” chuckled Boris.
“That could be a valid reason Mr Prime Minister!” said the reporter respectfully, as he wrote down the PMs comments dutifully, “But I’m sure there must be more a reason than just your hair!”
“You think so?” asked the English PM hesitantly?
“I don’t know sir, I’m only asking? Though we were all wondering whether it has to do with the vaccine?”
“Vaccine?” asked Boris.
“Yes sir, didn’t you announce to the world today, you are the first country to start vaccinating everybody?” asked the reporter.
“Yes!” said Boris squaring his shoulders, “We are going to show the world, that Britain leads the way again!”
“That Mr Prime Minister, could be the reason them Indians are calling you sir!”
“Ah they want to give me an award? They give a lot of awards I heard, and my trophy shelf desperately needs one!”
“No sir!”
“No? You don’t think they want to give me some award or other?”
“No sir!”
“So dammit, what could be the reason?” asked Boris as he saw visions of the award on his mantelpiece fading away, “Why else would they call me as their chief guest, there in front of all the cameras with all the world to see me!”
“Exactly sir!”
“Exactly what?”
“There in front of the cameras with all the world to see! They want to examine you sir, to see how the vaccine has worked on you! Whether you’ve grown a tail, lost your hair, hands trembling, voice quivering! You’re their vaccine guinea pig for the whole country to watch sir! After that they’ll decide which vaccine to order!”
That night as Boris felt his hair for the tenth time, his live-in partner Carrie asked, “What you doing Boris, you’re acting as if you’re hair is fallin’ off?”
Boris looked at her with haunted eyes..!

bobsbanter@gmail.com

Recent Posts

By choosing the name Leo XIV, the new Pope signals a commitment to justice, humility, and modern relevance—echoing Leo XIII's legacy of defending workers' rights and embracing science, while addressin
apicture A. J. Philip
12 May 2025
India's development dream demands more than GDP growth—social equity, peace, and inclusive governance. Rising communal polarisation, divisive laws, and political exploitation of religious identity thr
apicture Jacob Peenikaparambil
12 May 2025
"The Earth is a very small stage in a vast, cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilt by all those generals and emperors so that in glory and triumph they can become momentary masters of a frac
apicture M L Satyan
12 May 2025
In Pahalgam, the terrorists intentionally asked the names of the victims before firing them because they wanted to create a feeling in the minds of Indians that the Muslims killed the Hindus, and that
apicture Jijo Thomas Placheril
12 May 2025
Despite long opposing caste census as divisive, the BJP has now embraced it, likely for electoral gain. Rooted in upper-caste ideology, the RSS-BJP's caste politics have historically undermined social
apicture Ram Puniyani
12 May 2025
Moral ambition urges people to reject hollow careers and pursue meaningful change. Rutger Bregman critiques societal conformity, wasted talent, inequality, and environmental harm, advocating for purpo
apicture G Ramachandram
12 May 2025
The bulldozer, once a tool of construction, now symbolises state-sponsored intimidation—used to demolish homes, silence dissent, and marginalise minorities. Justice demands more than compensation; it
apicture Thomas Menamparampil
12 May 2025
If the drums must beat, let it be for celebration, not conflict. For parades, not pyres. For a country that chooses peace not because it is weak, but because it is strong enough to want no more widows
apicture Robert Clements
12 May 2025
She lost her husband in the attack, yet said she gained two Kashmiri brothers—an almost unbelievable testament to humanity rising above terror, even as the absence of security exposed the failure that
apicture A. J. Philip
05 May 2025
Amid grief, Kashmiris condemned terror and offered aid, while media and political voices stoked communal hatred. True patriotism lies in unity, accountability, and empathy—the values that can heal Ind
apicture Jacob Peenikaparambil
05 May 2025