hidden image

Bob’s Banter by Robert Clements The Defective Weighing Machine..!

Robert Clements Robert Clements
22 Mar 2021

Haven’t been to a station in a while, and I’m not sure they have weighing machines on railway platforms like there used to have before. This particular weighing machine, I remember, always had a long line of people waiting to weigh themselves, unlike the one next to it, “Why?” I asked the mother of my friend who worked in the railways booking counter.
“Because it’s defective!” she smiled as she gave her son, my friend, money so we both could have a coke later.
“Defective?” I asked, “But then wouldn’t people avoid it?”
“It shows five kilos less when you weigh yourself!” she said with a smile, and people love it.
I remembered that machine this morning as I thought of other weighing machines all over the world, “Don’t use that one!” shouts the foreign minister.
“Because, it says, we are partly democratic, so use this one instead!”
“What does this one say?”
“It says our democracy is the best in the world and that’s a hypocrite!”
And we all line up, behind it.
How we love such machines!
“Wouldn’t you like to know your real weight, so you can go on a diet if you need to?” I ask a fat lady who is making a beeline towards the defective weighing scales.
“Real weight?” she asks, and stops in her tracks.
“Yes!” shouts the weighing machine next to the defective one, “I can give you your actual weight!”
“And make me stop having my ice cream and pastries and gulab-jamun?” she asks angrily, “You want me to ruin my day by stepping on you?”
“He, he ,he!” laughs the defective one cheekily, “People don’t want to know the truth, they want to live a lie!”
“And what happens when that lady is taken to the hospital and maybe finally dies because of the lies you told her?” I ask angrily.
“Well then they won’t blame it on me, they’ll blame it on other factors! Like she should have gone to the church or temple more often, which makes her only partly religious or that she was not spending time in the kitchen which makes her only partly a family woman!” said the machine with a smile, “Like if you really examine me, you’ll find that I’m only partly defective!”
“But that ‘partly’ is enough to put peoples lives in danger!” I shouted as my friend tried to drag me away from the scene, knowing the fat woman was listening.
And she was, as she remarked, “I want to be fooled!”
“Why?” I whispered.
“Because,” she whispered, “I like to think I have 15 lakhs in the bank, that my health is in good condition, and that I am slim and beautiful!”
“He, he, he!” laughed the defective machine as my friend dragged me away.


Recent Posts

Modi does not have the magnanimity to admit that whatever progress India has achieved is the result of the work done by the people of India
apicture A. J. Philip
27 Mar 2023
Over the last few weeks, we have been reading a lot about the US banking system. The Silicon Valley Bank (SVB), which was the 16th largest bank in the US
apicture Jaswant Kaur
27 Mar 2023
The Supreme Court while hearing a matter, on March 15, regarding the action of the Maharashtra Governor in ordering a floor test in the wake of the alleged Shiv Sena split
apicture Joseph Maliakan
27 Mar 2023
This India belongs to all of us. The controversy about who is real Indian is fallacious. It can only stoke hatred, division, and inhumanity.
apicture P. A. Chacko
27 Mar 2023
The Supreme Court of India has come out with a landmark verdict in the following words: “Un-satiated greed for wealth has facilitated corruption to develop, like cancer
apicture Dr. M. D. Thomas
27 Mar 2023
“Hi Buddy”, I said to my friend, whom I was meeting after a long time. “Where have you been, and what have you been up to, these years?
apicture Bishop Alex Dias
27 Mar 2023
As I read the news of his gentle departure at the ripe age of 101, I recall Sadhu Ittiyavirah with love and reverence.
apicture J. Prasant Palakkappillil
27 Mar 2023
The manner in which a 59-year-old senior cardiologist was assaulted by a patient’s family members in a Kozhikode hospital this March 5
apicture Aarti
27 Mar 2023
God the Father, in creatng each and every one of us and conferring upon us different graces and blessings, has implanted in us seeds of gifts and talents of different kinds.
apicture Patrick Crasta
27 Mar 2023
Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-1827), German music composer and one of the top world musicians
apicture P. A. Joseph
27 Mar 2023