hidden image

Uniform Eating Code..!

Robert Clements Robert Clements
02 Sep 2024

Since the government is intent on a uniform civil code, which could lead, I'm sure to a Uniformed Eating Code, my friend from Russia, who was on a visit and who was a diehard non-vegetarian, decided she would become a veggie for the period of her visit. "One might as well get used to something before it becomes a law," she said as she looked up at a mango tree. "I have told my cook to cook those leaves for lunch!"

"That's a mango tree," I said. "You eat the fruit, not the leaves."

"You can't put those leaves into a curry?"

"Only raw mangoes," I said. "You eat the ripe ones raw and cook the raw ones!"

"This is very confusing," said the Russian as she scratched her head and stared at the ripe mangoes on the tree. "What happens if I eat the leaves?"

"I don't know," I said.

"What happens if I ate the raw mangoes raw and put the ripe mangoes into a curry?"

"No idea," I said helplessly.

"What about cauliflower?"

"What about it?" I asked.

"Do I eat it cooked or uncooked?"

"You can't eat it uncooked," I said disgustedly.

"I'm sorry I didn't know," said my friend, now beginning to look a little worried, "What about this fruit?"

"It's a carrot," I said. "It's not a fruit; it's a root, which is eaten as a vegetable!"

"A root eaten like a vegetable, but not a vegetable?" asked my Russian friend. "So it's allowed, isn't it? I mean as a vegetarian I can eat it?"

"Sure you can," I said, giving her an encouraging smile.

"This vegetarianism business is going to be a long journey," she said slowly. "Is it okay if I eat this vegetable?"

"It's not a vegetable," I said, looking at the onion she was holding out to me.

"It's a fruit?"

"No," I said.

"Let me guess, it's a root?"

"No," I said, "it's a bulb!"

"A bulb," shouted the Russian in terror, throwing the onion away, "dammit I don't want to get electrocuted chewing a bulb! I thought being a vegetarian was safe?"

"It is," I said.

"And do you eat the bulb cooked?"

"Generally raw," I said patiently.

"I think I need expert advice before I get into this vegetarian business and stay in your country! I don't want to be arrested!"

"I agree," I said as I watched her pick up her phone and look at me. "Do you know a good lawyer?"

"Lawyer?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes," she said with a noticeable shudder. "I want to make my will, because I've been told that once you're in jail in your country, it takes years to come out..!"

Recent Posts

The Emergency must be remembered, not as a tool to target a political party but as a lesson against authoritarian excess. Yet, we cannot ignore that worse violations of democratic norms and human righ
apicture A. J. Philip
30 Jun 2025
Fifty years later, India faces a chilling déjà vu with an 'undeclared' Emergency. Freedom of speech is stifled, dissent is suppressed, and institutions are compromised. True democracy demands resistan
apicture Cedric Prakash
30 Jun 2025
Amit Shah's claim that those who speak English will be ashamed evidences that the BJP-RSS is trying to bring down the populace and push India into another Vedic dark age where ignorance and superstiti
apicture Jacob Peenikaparambil
30 Jun 2025
The NSE's ?1,400 crore settlement with SEBI raises critical concerns about India's financial markets. Any perceived regulatory capture risks eroding trust.
apicture Jaswant Kaur
30 Jun 2025
Christian education in India has had a profound influence on democracy and social justice in the country. It played a pivotal role in challenging caste oppression, promoting inclusivity, and fostering
apicture Fr Soroj Mullick, SDB
30 Jun 2025
"The spread of digital culture, particularly evident among young people, is profoundly changing their experience of space and time; it influences their daily activities, communication, and interperson
apicture Joe Eruppakkatt
30 Jun 2025
Welcome to the Happy State of Emergency: Where freedom is carefully curated, minds are pre-cooked, and Big Brother doesn't need to frown—he just raises one eyebrow... and we salute…!
apicture Robert Clements
30 Jun 2025
The North-South divide reflects India's broader regional and cultural tensions. The progress of Southern states in health, education, and development contrasts with the Hindi belt's struggles on devel
apicture Thomas Menamparampil
23 Jun 2025
India's 2027 census and ensuing delimitation will redefine its political landscape. As northern states gain influence due to burgeoning population, southern states will face reduced representation des
apicture Dr John Singarayar
23 Jun 2025
For India to become a global healthcare power, it must democratise medical education—revise outdated rules, invest in public institutions, expand seats, embrace technology, and ensure affordability. A
apicture A. J. Philip
23 Jun 2025